Dave's Anatomy: My History As a Writer #136. Religion and Reconciliation, "Mood Indigo."

"Mood Indigo" was a follow-up story to a tale I had published called "Qualities of Light." It centers on two continuing characters, Heather Alabaster and Sossity Chandler. I have published over twenty-five stories about Sossity; she is my favorite on-going characte I've published two about Heather (though she often appears in stories about her friend Sossity). She is also the main character in "Qualities of Light," which is the best story I have written (my opinion). Quick biography:  Heather Alabaster became an Anglican nun at age 17 and continued in that calling until pressure from her superiors compelled her to leave the convent. She eventually marries and moves to the United States; she knows the rock and roll superstar Sossity Chandler because in Sossity's early days—when she was a struggling singer who played bars and supper clubs in London—the two of them shared an apartment. They became fast friends and their friendship continued after Sossity achieved fame.

The story is one about Heather and Sossity attending a religious retreat at a monastery. Though Heather left her religious order, she did not discard her beliefs. She goes with Sossity to a small Episcopal monastery in Michigan where she and her friend can visit, relax, and enjoy the silence— literally, since the monks there follow the rule of silence. You can only talk in the guest lounge. Heather is looking forward to the retreat. But things come into to complicate what she thought would be a quiet, peaceful stay.

For one, Sossity is troubled by remembering a cousin of hers who died young. She asks the question that has puzzled the religious ever since religion began: How can God allow someone who is young, sweet, kind, and innocent to die? Why do bad things happen to good people? Heather meets three young women who are thinking about entering religious life and have come to the monastery to meditate on their decisions. With them is a nun Heather knew from England, Sister Imelda. Imelda, she knows, is aware of the controversy she was caught up in just before she left religious life--the controversy that turned into a scandal and made the newspapers.

Heather had got on the bad side of Sister Enswith, her Superior at the Convent where she stayed. Enswith had emerged an important figure in English spirituality. Under her leadership, and because of her preaching and writing, Anglican convents—many of which had been on the verge of closing—had suddenly revived. Young women were becoming sisters in large numbers. And Enswith became and admired and venerated spiritual leader, a popular speaker, and a widely know personality in British popular culture.

She and Heather did not get along.

Things became so tense that Heather resigns from her religious order. Heather, who worked as a nurse and does not actually live at the convent, is puzzled as to why her resignation was not approved. Then Enswith moved against her, charging her with embezzling funds from the hospice she ran and of violating the rules of the order of nuns to which she belonged. This is further complicated by the fact that she begins seeing a popular TV star (Sossity introduces them) who seems to like her. When word of the whole matter leaks out, it makes the media outlets. Heather is called a "naughty nun" (even though she had not violated her vow of chastity in her relationship). Eventually, things work out. Enswith admits she is in the wrong and that Heather is not culpable. Heather ends up marrying Jonathan, the movie star. But the hurt is still there. Now, it seems, she will have memories the matter vexing her as she tried to focus on spirituality.

Things continue. Heather sees another nun, Clothilda, who was involved in the controversy and was particularly cruel to herr, humiliating her in ways that Heather could never get over. She apologizes for her behavior and says that Enswith (after she and Heather were reconciled) changed her behavior and the behavior of those close to her. Clothilda says, "We were judgmental. We blamed the decline of religious life on laxity of discipline in the orders. We introduced stricter, more exacting interpretations of the rules—and more severe discipline. We thought we were being prudent and enacting a new regimen for righteous conduct among the nuns and sisters in our orders. Actually, we were being cruel. We were inflicting pain and humiliation and enjoying it.”

Heather feels a burden lift from her shoulders.

The next few days she enjoys the retreat, counsels people, and reflects on what she and Sossity feel. Sossity gives an impromptu concert at a Starbucks where she and some of the other attendees go. She says she's been working on jazz lately and sings the Duke Ellington song, "Mood Indigo":

You ain’t been blue, no, no, no 
You ain’t be blue
Till you’ve had that mood indigo
That feelin’ goes stabbin’ down to my shoes
While I sit and sigh, “Go along now, blues.”

Heather smiles. Maybe the song is prophetic for her. She is happy she has resolved something. Sossity says that puzzlement about religion can be deep and challenging but that, despite the questions and paradoxes, Christianity has been around for two thousand years and will continue, sometimes thriving, something not doing so well, but always there.

The story appeared in Eunoia Review, as did the other one centering on Heather, "Qualities of Light." Read them here and here. I've written a novel about Heather's convent years, but not been able to find a publisher for it. Maybe someday.

Happy reading.