Dave's Anatomy: My History As a Writer, #112: Cinderella Revised: "Sunniva."

Disney Cinderella

Many people are surprised when the read the original versions of fairy tales. We get cleaned-up versions of them:  Walt Disney has made many old fairy-tales squeaky-clean; and we revise them so our children won't be upset or traumatized by these old stories. But reading the originals will shock and upset some people. In the original version of the "The Sleeping Beauty," the Prince finds the Princess asleep, enjoys the "first fruits of love" with the sleeping girl, and gets her pregnant. She gives birth to twins and wakes up when they begin to nurse at her breasts. Her father orders her killed, but the Prince shows up at the last moment to marry her. In "Cinderella," one of the stepsisters cuts off her toes so the slipper can fit; when the treachery of the sisters is revealed, doves peck out their eyes, leaving them blind. And most of the original tales of the Brothers Grimm … well, let's not talk about those. 

Dalin

My revision of the story of Cinderella, titled "Sunniva" takes the story in new directions. It is told from the point of view of the Prince. Here is another thing about several familiar fairy tales. The male protagonist in such stories doesn't even have a name, so he has become "Prince Charming." He comes out of nowhere, has no backstory, we know nothing about him, and yet he saves the day. I focus on his story, name him Dalin, and give his character a little bit of substance. Sunniva is quite different from the Cinderella of later versions.

Sunniva as a child

The story begins as Dalin, back from fighting in the crusader kingdom of Jerusalem, leads a campaign to put down a revolt. He is a capable fighter and overcomes the rebels, capturing their leader. As he is ready to execute the leader, his wife, Lissette, shows up and pleads for his life. Lissette was Dalin's mistress when he was a teenager and went on to marry the rebel. She says she knows where Sunniva is and will tell him if he spares her husband. He agrees. 

Dalin remembers how he met Sunniva. The kingdom in dire circumstances, suffering famine, plague, and impending invasion, the King, Dalin's father, summons Amalina, a sorceress, to help. She brings her daughter, Sunniva (her husband is in exile). She and the King make an arrangement. Her magic restores the health, prosperity, and military strength of the kingdom. Amalina and her daughter reside at the palace. The King makes Sunniva his ward. Dalin grows up with her and falls in love with her. Eventually, however, as Christianity gains more of a foothold in the kingdom, the King violates his word and dismisses Amalina. Because he made himself godfather to Sunniva, however, she stays on in the castle. Dalin's father tells him he will soon be married off to a local princess to cement an alliance with a neighboring kingdom. He despairs, wanting to marry Sunniva. She gives him an idea on how to avoid the marriage. 

Dalin announces his intention to take a vow obligating him to fight in the holy land for five years. His father wants to oppose him but can't go against religion; and Dalin is popular with the people, who are thrilled at his piety and willingness to fight for the cause. He departs.

The next five years hone him for the role of a ruler. By this time there is peace between the Crusaders and Muslims. Dalin fights as a mercenary, often serving Muslim leaders in their mini-wars with other Muslims. He learns to speak Arabic, to lead, fight well, and negotiate. Mysterious things happen that suggest Sunniva's magic is protecting him even at a distance of a thousand miles. After five years, he goes home but can find no trace of Sunniva until Lissette informs him that she is living with a family in a remote part of the kingdom. 

Dalin's father has boarded her with a cruel woman who has two not-very-bright daughters (sound familiar?). Sunniva tells Dalin she put up with their pernicious behavior for three years but of late has used her magic to get them in line. The mother has died. The two daughters, Anastasia and Drizella (their names in the original story) live in terror of her magic. Dalin is reunited with Sunniva. She tells him that king sent her to Arbritta's house hoping that the cruelty of the mother and sisters would break her spirit: “Someone told him the story of Cinderella, I guess...When I came here Arbritta, the mother, who has died, beat me and told me I would live as a slave and eat with the pigs. The first week I slept in the barn. They finally gave me a tiny, chilly room in the house to sleep in. I did all the housework while they lolled.” When Dalin asks why she put up with such treatment for three years she replies that suffering is good for the soul. 

Sunniva as an adult

He and Sunniva are married. He is reunited with Amalina and meets her husband, who has been released from exile. His brother treacherously tries to kill him, but he is rendered helpless by Sunniva's magic. In a few years, the King dies and Dalin ascend to the throne. His suffering through exile and separation from the woman he loves make him a fair, good, and just ruler. 

And, I guess, they all lived happily ever after.

The story appeared in Sorcerous Signals, which has ceased publication. This might be a story to resubmit.

I have two new books in production:  Sinfonia:  A Painted Lady, A Vampire Chronicle, Part 2, coming from Dream Big Books; and The Court of the Sovereign King, from Blue Swan Publications. Stay tuned for news of their releases.

For more titles, see my Writer's Page.

I would love to hear your comments.

Happy reading.

Dave's Anatomy #7: My History as a Writer: Seeing My Character from Another Character's Point of View

Sossity

As my writing developed, I set down several more stories about my ongoing character, singer Sossity Chandler. She seemed a good bet. Several stories about her went to press, and I had begun to get a sense of her as a character.  But a good idea is to get as many perspectives as possible to know the character better. I wondered how she would look through the eyes of another figure in a story.

I follow strict rules with Sossity. The stories that feature her are always third person, never first. They are from her point of view, but you never get inside her head. She is a mysterious figure. In my favorite novel, The French Lieutenant's Woman, the omniscient narrator gets inside the head of every character except Sarah, the French Lieutenant's Woman. She remains a mystery and, to an extent, so does Sossity Chandler.

In her character biography, she marries a guy named David Urbanic. But before David there a couple of long-term relationships. She dates Diggory Marks, who will return to her later life as a love interest; and she dates Jerry Watanabe for eighteen months. Their love affair and their split-up is part—though not the entirety—of my story, "Being Caught up with My Ego, I Leave Behind a Beautiful Girl Who Eventually Becomes Rich and Famous."

Quite a title! I did this because Jerry is Japanese-American. There is a

Jerry

tradition in Japanese haiku poetry of long titles. They are sometimes longer than the poet itself. Hence, the title, which nods at Jerry's ethnic heritage but also suggests his lack of connection with it in the slightly parodic use of such a title to tell the story of his lost love.

Jerry dates Sossity Chandler when they are students at Purdue. When she drops out, they start to lose contact, though they do see each other from time to time. Jerry is with her when she get her "big break." They are in his plane (he has a pilot's license) flying above Beaver Island, Michigan, when Sossity gets the call that one of her recording is getting lots of airplay, is selling well, and has the makings of a hit. The two of them spend a weekend together and go their way, Sossity to fame and fortune, Jerry to a job in a computer company in Chicago.

While there, Jerry gets caught up in the pursuit of success. He also begins to have an affair with Anna, the woman who runs his company. He and Sossity drift further away from each other.

Anna

The affair with Anna, though, has a dark side. She is into S&M and slowly drags Jerry into the practice. Like a frog in a kettle, her preferences take him over. She uses her position as CEO of the company to coerce Jerry into servicing her. He has started to like Cynthia Ku, a Chinese-American girl who works in the firm. Anna threatens to fire her if Jerry does not cooperate.

Cynthia

Jerry and Sossity finally break it off. The trauma of this makes him see things clearly. He realizes what he has got himself into and refuses to come to Anna's house. She sends a local thug to beat him up. 

Mistake. Jerry is a martial arts expert. He knocks the thug out and calls Anna, telling her he has recorded incriminating pictures of her from her cell phone and will make them public if she doesn't desist. Knowing she is beaten, she give him a severance package. Jerry eventually marries Cynthia and starts his own software company, which is successful.

He never forgets Sossity, though he knows it is over for them. He sees her at a concert later. She sings a cover song, Neil Young's "Birds," dedicating it to him by name, and gets tears in her eyes when she sings the refrain, "When you see me fly away without you. / Shadows on the things you know. / Feathers fall around you and show you the way to go. / It's over. It's over." The last lines of the story are poignant. They show something of Jerry's personality (and I find them poignant because he is a lot like me).

She cried too. I could not see it when she sang the song, but the next day I came across an item on the internet news:   a close-up shot of her with big, glistening tears on her cheeks. When I read the caption, Sossity Chandler sheds tears during Neil Young song, I wanted to put my fist through the computer screen and wanted to find the correspondent who had written that banal tag-line and pull his arm out of joint like I had for Anna’s hired thug. Of course I did neither. I had a family now and responsibilities. Sossity had gone her way, I mine. But she had given voice to what would have otherwise been inexpressible. That is her talent. That is the direction her life should take. The realization of this enabled me to let go of her.

Like me, Jerry is talented, formidable, and tough. But he is also indecisive and allows himself to be bullied by other peoples' expectations. He is too restrained. Worst of all, he allows his ego to get him into trouble. But he is also able to accept loss and to see the good even in a loss, though this is a sad consolation.

Through this story, readers and an author get a viewpoint on Sossity Chandler through the eyes of someone else. In a later story, "Jergen Kohaut's Blues," and in the two stories "Qualities of Light" and "Mood Indigo," Sossity is seen from the POV of other characters. If you are writing an ongoing character, it's a good thing to do.

I have a new book out! It is titled Mother Hulda, a science fiction story based on a tale of the Brothers Grimm--but with an intergalactic twist. Kindle only. You will be surprised.